As most travellers to the USA will tell you, service in restaurants, cafes and bars tends to be of a pretty high standard and perhaps too much so for British sensibilities. Tourists from the old country can be a little overwhelmed, as the following encounter in an American diner nicely illustrates –

Waitress (enthusiastically) – “Hi there! My name is Britney and I’m pleased to be your server today. What can I get you?”

British Tourist (somewhat less excitedly) – “I’d like a hamburger please”

W. “Certainly and how would you like it cooked?”

BT.“Eh?”

W. “Would you like it well-done, medium or rare?”

BT. (thinks – I ordered a burger, not a steak) “Er, medium, I suppose”

W. “Sure and would you like cheese with that?”

BT. (If I wanted cheese I would have ordered a bl***y cheeseburger!) “Yeah, ok.”

W. “What kind of cheese would you like?”

BT. “What?”

W. “We’ve got Swiss, American or Provolone”

BT. (What the h*** is Provolone?) “Well, since I’m in America I’ll have American, please.”

W. “Great choice! What kind of bread would you like?”

BT. (What the …?) “Oh, I’ll have it on a roll please.”

W. “We’ve got white, brown, wheat, kaiser or reuben.”

BT. (Give me strength!) “Er, wheat please.”

W. “That would be my choice! Oh, and it comes with lettuce, tomato and onion.”

BT. “Lovely, thanks.”

W. “Would you like fries or, for an extra dollar, sweet potato fries?”

BT. (For F**k’s sake, just bring me the bl***y burger.) “Oh, yes, I’ll have the sweet potato fries please.”

W. “Awesome. Coming right up! What would you like to drink?  We’ve got coffee, sweet tea, unsweetened tea and….”

BT. (You’re taking the p***!) “No, no thanks. That’ll be all thank you very much.”