Author Archives: johnengland55

The Death of Common Sense

Posted on by

A while ago a mock obituary travelled the internet on the death of Common Sense. Below is this Blog’s edited and condensed version –

“Today we mourn the passing of our old friend Common Sense whose true age was never established due to the disappearance of his birth certificate in a tidal wave of bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered for such valuable lessons as, life isn’t always fair and, maybe it was my fault. He lived by simple, sound financial policies such as don’t spend more than you earn and the reliable family strategy that adults, and not children, are in charge.

His health began to deteriorate when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. He declined further as criminals received better treatment than their victims, such decline becoming terminal when citizens could no longer defend themselves against burglars although those same burglars could sue the home owner for assault.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, his brother, Responsibility, and his sister, Reason.

He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers, I Know My Rights (but not my responsibilities), I Want It Now (but I’m not prepared to work for it), Someone Else Is To Blame (certainly not me), I’m A Victim (every time), Pay me for Doing Nothing (let someone else do it).

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.”

As they say, there’s many a truth spoke in jest.

This blog is the last for Common Sense for a while, maybe ever, who knows? (or cares – Ed). Thank you to all who took the trouble to read it over the last 5 years.

The Opening Day of the Somme

Posted on by

 

Today is the one hundredth anniversary of one of the most tragic days in the history of our country, the opening day of the Battle of the Somme when, in a matter of hours, nearly 20,000 men lost their lives, with another 40,000 men wounded or missing.

This was no ordinary battle however. This was not a battle fought by professional soldiers (very few had survived the previous two years of the war) but was instead the day when the volunteer armies, recruited from all parts of Great Britain and Ireland (and, of course, from different parts of the old Empire) first faced military action. These were men and boys who, in a spirit of adventure, patriotic duty and youthful idealism signed up in the early days of the First World War to fight for their country.

They joined up together in their thousands (some youngsters lying about their age so as not to miss the adventure) from villages and towns throughout the land with many formed into “Pals Battalions” proudly taking on the name of their home towns, particularly in the north of England.

All of this helped to create and foster a strong spirit of camaraderie and loyalty. Tragically, it also meant that, when these young men were killed in action, whole communities would be devastated by their loss and women, waiting back home, would learn that they had lost their husbands, brothers and sons in one single day.

To put some perspective on the scale of the tragedy, the total British military deaths in the recent conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan amounted to 178 and 453 respectively. In fact, the total British deaths in all conflicts involving Britain since the end of the Second World War in 1945 amount to 7,145 (Figures produced by the Ministry of Defence, November 4th, 2014).

So, on the first day of the Battle of the Somme, July 1st, 1916, nearly three times as many British men lost their lives as in the past 70 years combined. It is a sobering statistic and one that, in its enormity, is almost impossible to comprehend. It puts our own pampered lives and “troubles” in true and sharp perspective, that’s for sure.

A Brave New Start

Posted on by

The British people have voted, in a fair and democratic (words unknown in Europe’s corridors of power) referendum to leave the European Union. Not everybody voted to leave, of course, but in the long term those who voted to remain, along with the rest of Europe, will thank the British (not for the first time in the history of this continent) for what they did on June 23rd, 2016.

As this blog has said regularly, since its inception 5 years ago, the European Union is and always was doomed to failure and even if the British had voted to remain it would merely have delayed the inevitable. We have now got our country back and there are millions in Europe who are envious of that fact. Let’s see if the politicians of France, Italy, Holland et al have the courage to offer their peoples a similar right to choose.

Inevitably, I suppose, there have been recriminations and harsh words spoken following the referendum result, perhaps the most insulting being that those who voted to leave are somehow racist, nationalist or “Little Englanders”. I’m sure there are some who fit that description but it’s no more accurate than describing Remainers as misguided, idealistic, condescending, self-deluding dreamers. Some of them are not.

Many of us voted out because we believe in democracy and in the right of a free people to choose how they are governed. It doesn’t mean we don’t like Europeans nor desire peace and harmony any less than our compatriots. That is ridiculous.

We must now move on, work together and find a government and prime minister in touch with the needs and desires of his (or her) people. There will undoubtedly be tricky times ahead and we will certainly feel some economic discomfort but, like a mill pond, its tranquillity shattered by a stone, the waters inevitably grow calm and life goes on as before.

A Pointless Waste

Posted on by

How sad to learn of the shooting of a captive Jaguar, one of the most magnificent of all the big cats, at a ceremony to promote the forthcoming Rio Olympics. Evidently, some bright official decided it would be a good idea to have this beautiful creature tethered alongside the Olympic torch for a photo-shoot attended by crowds of people, television cameras and photographers with noisy flash cameras.

Predictably, the animal took fright and, breaking free of its restraints, tried to escape. Handlers fired tranquilising darts to try to subdue it but failed and the poor creature was shot dead by a nearby soldier.

What a tragic and pointless waste and yet another chapter in the sad catalogue of stories of animals coming to grief whilst in human captivity. Remember the story of the gorilla shot dead in an American zoo a few weeks back?

Can there really be any reason or justification, in this day and age, for keeping wild animals in captivity, particularly in zoos and, even worse, in circuses? The only exceptions should be reserves created for animal protection or refuge-type zoos where injured animals are kept until they can be released or where they are confined due to an inability to fend for themselves.

It is understandable that people want to see the world’s wildlife but isn’t it better for us, under strict supervision and control, of course, to go and see them in the wild? As an alternative, surely it must be possible, in this world of advanced computer and digital technology, to create virtual zoos so that we and future generations can learn about our planet without destroying it? It has to be worth looking into.

A Message to the Undecided

Posted on by

That the European Union is corrupt, grossly inefficient, over-regulated and undemocratic is beyond dispute. The fact that those in the Remain camp talk of future change from within the Union indicates that they are in agreement.

The question is do they really believe that, by continuing its membership, the UK will succeed in bringing about such change, having singularly failed to do so since it joined in 1973? If they do then it is, at best, a triumph of hope over experience or, at worst, an attempt to pull the wool over the eyes of those unable to see the truth for themselves.

However, irrespective of the EU’s inefficiency, corruption and lack of democracy, irrespective of the debates on economics, security and immigration, irrespective of the disgraceful bullying threats of our arrogant, condescending Prime Minister and his unprincipled cronies, we need to ask ourselves one question.

Do we trust ourselves to govern our country (as we have done for over 900 years) or would we rather pass on that responsibility to an unelected European elite?

If we trust ourselves we vote to leave, if we don’t we stay. Simple really.

Naked Dining

Posted on by

There’s been a fair bit of publicity recently about London’s first “naked restaurant”, a place called Binyadi, where diners, waited on by naked servers, strip off to eat their food. It’s certainly generated a lot of interest with 40,000 people said to be on the waiting list, so the owners are clearly on to something.

Is this an indication of our further descent into voyeuristic and perverted decadence or just a bit of fun? The owners seem to take it pretty seriously though with talk of opening your mind and liberating yourself. Mind you, I think I’d take it seriously too if I had that many customers.

What of the practicalities however? How do you stop things from falling into your food? What do you do if you’ve been handling hot chillies? What if you spill some hot soup? All these things would bother me, although evidently the food is raw and uncooked and you eat with your fingers so there’s no problem with the soup after all.

On another level, how are you going to concentrate on nibbling your olives if you take a fancy to the waiter/waitress/one of the other diners? How embarrassing could that be? Is that a courgette under your napkin or are just pleased to see me? Perhaps they could have an area annexed to the dining room called the “Rutting Room” where people could slink off at opportune moments.

I, for one, can’t really see what all the fuss is about, doesn’t everybody eat naked in the privacy of their own home anyway? Oh. Well, this could be a good business opportunity for some. Round our way, they would probably have to name the place “Porkers”, due more to the potential clientele than the cuisine! Oh blimey, I think I’ve just lost my appetite.

Dealing with Spam

Posted on by

I recently received one of those regular internet requests to help some African bloke invest his $20 million inheritance. To enable me to receive one half of this windfall all I needed to do was send some personal information including, obviously, my bank details. Rather than ignore it as usually do, I thought I would try a different approach, so I replied –

“No thank you, but please feel free to contact my business partner, Mr M. Mouse at www.disneyworldflorida.com. Best of luck, Donald (Duck, not Trump)”

Another one to consider would be –

“Oh, how wonderful! Yes please. I love Nigeria and have such wonderful memories of your country – my favourite (former) colony. My details are as follows – Bank of England, A/C Holder Elizabeth Windsor, Sort code 11 11 11 A/C No. 1111111111. Please access the account with my blessing.”

As for unsolicited phone calls, instead of just putting the phone down try something different

“Hello, hello, hello? I can’t hear anybody, I wonder if they can hear me …. Hello, hello…..Hello, hello……..Bloody hell, there’s no bugger there!” Then put the phone down.

Or,“Oh I’m so glad you called, I’ve been hoping to speak to somebody about my traffic accident/mis-sold insurance but I’m a little busy at the moment. Could you please call back tomorrow” (Repeat as necessary).

If you really want to freak them out, “Bless you my child. I’ve been expecting your call. You have been directed to me by the Lord. Have you found Jesus? Let me tell you how to bring Him into your life” – Pause – “Sorry, hello, hello…………..”

Silly, I know, but it helps brighten the day!

The Greatest

Posted on by

Over the years, like many people I’m sure, I’ve had numerous conversations with friends on the subject of best or favourite bands, actors, footballers, authors and the like, developing occasionally into heated disagreement. However, when the debate turned to best or favourite sportsman there was usually only one answer, Mohammad Ali, whose funeral it is today.

To most youngsters growing up in 1960s Britain, there seemed little common ground with this brash young man from across the Atlantic. He was of a different nationality, had different skin colour, different beliefs and different everything. But none of that mattered because, to use an expression much used over the years and particularly in obituaries and testaments this week, Mohammad Ali transcended all of that.

It was true, any obvious or perceived differences were irrelevant, Ali rose above it all. Here was a man who appeared to have everything. He was young, smart and savvy, brave as a lion, strong, fast, had a superb physique and was elegant and graceful. If ever a man could be described as beautiful, it was he. How could anybody not warm to such a human being?

I can remember, at the age of 7, seeing posters in Cleethorpes, Lincolnshire (a million miles from Kentucky in almost every sense!) advertising the fight, to be screened in local cinemas, between a young Cassius Clay and the huge terrifying Sonny Liston. A David v Goliath fight if ever there was one. David won, of course, and Cassius Clay (soon to be renamed Mohammad Ali), the self-proclaimed “Greatest”, became the new heavyweight champion of the world.

Over the following years there followed controversy over his conversion to Islam, his struggle against racial prejudice, his refusal to fight in Vietnam and his subsequent ban from boxing, depriving him (and all of us) of 4 years when he would have been at his peak.

His return was astounding, winning and losing the world title before winning it again in the most dramatic bout against the seemingly unbeatable George Foreman who’d laid waste to all around him like a farmer scything corn. Ali’s defeat of Foreman was the greatest fight I have ever seen. I said it when I saw it back in October, 1974 and nothing has happened since to change my mind. It was staggering; brave defence, a soaking up of punishment, leaning hard against the ropes before going brilliantly on the offensive, destroying his previously unbeaten opponent with a speed and violence that simply amazed everybody who saw it.

He became a practised television personality and everybody who saw them will have fond memories of the interviews with Michael Parkinson on the BBC. We saw another side of Ali there, a man of charm, grace, humour and more than a little wit.

We all knew how it would end though since, whether through shortage of money or a desire to remain in the limelight (who knows) he kept on fighting and suffered some terrible poundings when, really, he should have left the ring years previously. I remember him fighting Larry Holmes (a worthy world champion himself) and Holmes was quite clearly distressed at the beating he had to give to a man who he probably revered as much as the rest of us.

If only Ali had quit while he was still ahead. To see such a great man brought low by the ravages of disease was sad, tragic and, well, just so unfair. That’s the way life is however and even though we will remember that image, the overwhelming memory of this true colossus among men is the young, powerful, handsome, strong, brave boxer (in his own words but no less true because of it) floating around the ring like a butterfly and stinging like a bee. We will remember that because he really was that special. He was totally unique. They broke the mould when they made Mohammad Ali.

 

False Credit

Posted on by

Of all the recent nonsense spoken about Europe one of the standout pieces was the assertion by our Prime Minister that credit for the lasting peace on the continent since the end of World War II lies with the European Union.

The European Union may well provide comfort to France, which by 1940, had, on three separate occasions since 1870, suffered the indignity and humiliation of seeing German troops marching happily on French boulevards. It undoubtedly provides comfort too to a reunified German nation coming to terms with its brutal and savage past.

But as for providing the peace and security enjoyed by us all over the last 70 years Cameron needs to look west rather than east since the only reason a devastated post-war Europe was able to resist the Soviet Union and avoid further conflict was the strength and presence of the USA.

Today is the 72nd anniversary of D Day (June 6th 1944) the day when a huge force of Americans, aided by British and Canadian troops, began the invasion which, less than a year later, would bring peace to the continent and an end to Nazi tyranny. The cemeteries of Normandy bear witness to the sacrifice made by those men. Europe’s politicians would do well to not lose sight of that fact.

 

Art or Science?

Posted on by

I was watching a cookery programme the other day and I couldn’t help but think how absurd the world of dining has become and how something relatively straightforward has been raised almost to the level of a science.

How expressions are bandied about like “haute cuisine”, “fine dining” and goodness knows what else. How people will pay a fortune to dine in a place (and then usually brag about it) where your meal is presented with artistic squiggles and collages as though it were an exhibit by Picasso or Salvador Dali. Are you supposed to eat it, photograph it or maybe take it home and put it with your other priceless works of art? Never mind all that, what does it bloody taste like?

Just as it is with wine, music or art, the degustation and delectation is entirely subjective and personal. If the meal, wine, music or artistic piece pleases you nothing else matters. The chances are that somebody else will disagree with you anyway, preferring their own favoured alternative.

And that’s the point, that’s fine, never mind anybody else, how do you feel about it? Don’t rabbit on about it like you’ve discovered a long lost city of the Aztecs, just enjoy it and let the rest of us enjoy what we want without fear of criticism or contradiction. I may not like it but you do and that should be an end to the matter.