I was watching a cookery programme the other day and I couldn’t help but think how absurd the world of dining has become and how something relatively straightforward has been raised almost to the level of a science.

How expressions are bandied about like “haute cuisine”, “fine dining” and goodness knows what else. How people will pay a fortune to dine in a place (and then usually brag about it) where your meal is presented with artistic squiggles and collages as though it were an exhibit by Picasso or Salvador Dali. Are you supposed to eat it, photograph it or maybe take it home and put it with your other priceless works of art? Never mind all that, what does it bloody taste like?

Just as it is with wine, music or art, the degustation and delectation is entirely subjective and personal. If the meal, wine, music or artistic piece pleases you nothing else matters. The chances are that somebody else will disagree with you anyway, preferring their own favoured alternative.

And that’s the point, that’s fine, never mind anybody else, how do you feel about it? Don’t rabbit on about it like you’ve discovered a long lost city of the Aztecs, just enjoy it and let the rest of us enjoy what we want without fear of criticism or contradiction. I may not like it but you do and that should be an end to the matter.

As most travellers to the USA will tell you, service in restaurants, cafes and bars tends to be of a pretty high standard and perhaps too much so for British sensibilities. Tourists from the old country can be a little overwhelmed, as the following encounter in an American diner nicely illustrates –

Waitress (enthusiastically) – “Hi there! My name is Britney and I’m pleased to be your server today. What can I get you?”

British Tourist (somewhat less excitedly) – “I’d like a hamburger please”

W. “Certainly and how would you like it cooked?”

BT.“Eh?”

W. “Would you like it well-done, medium or rare?”

BT. (thinks – I ordered a burger, not a steak) “Er, medium, I suppose”

W. “Sure and would you like cheese with that?”

BT. (If I wanted cheese I would have ordered a bl***y cheeseburger!) “Yeah, ok.”

W. “What kind of cheese would you like?”

BT. “What?”

W. “We’ve got Swiss, American or Provolone”

BT. (What the h*** is Provolone?) “Well, since I’m in America I’ll have American, please.”

W. “Great choice! What kind of bread would you like?”

BT. (What the …?) “Oh, I’ll have it on a roll please.”

W. “We’ve got white, brown, wheat, kaiser or reuben.”

BT. (Give me strength!) “Er, wheat please.”

W. “That would be my choice! Oh, and it comes with lettuce, tomato and onion.”

BT. “Lovely, thanks.”

W. “Would you like fries or, for an extra dollar, sweet potato fries?”

BT. (For F**k’s sake, just bring me the bl***y burger.) “Oh, yes, I’ll have the sweet potato fries please.”

W. “Awesome. Coming right up! What would you like to drink?  We’ve got coffee, sweet tea, unsweetened tea and….”

BT. (You’re taking the p***!) “No, no thanks. That’ll be all thank you very much.”

Religion or lack of it is a very personal thing and people should be tolerated and respected for their beliefs or lack of them – provided, that is, they leave everybody else alone.

In modern Britain there are three main religions, namely (and in chronological order from when they were founded) Judaism, Christianity and Islam. Followers of all three are convinced that they, and only they, worship the true God.

This therefore means that two of them are mistaken and their followers are going to end up disappointed.

How unfortunate to spend your whole life worshipping the wrong God!

Yesterday, I took  a stroll along Copacabana beach, Rio, heading towards Ipanema beach – not a bad way to spend a Sunday afternoon, I’ll admit! – and almost inevitably, I suppose, found myself humming that wonderful classic “The Girl from Ipanema” written in 1962 by two local musicians and recorded by countless artists since.

It’s a truly lovely song about beauty and desire and I couldn’t help but think about the ephemeral nature of the former. The “Girl” in the song, will now be aged about 75 years and sadly, I imagine, the lyrics no longer apply.

The lines “Tall and tanned and young and lovely the girl from Ipanema goes walking……..” could now translate to “Small and wrinkled and old and tubby the granny from Ipanema goes shuffling….!” How cruel, but how cruel life can be for those obsessed by their physical appearance.

There is of course, a beauty far deeper than that limited merely to the  skin and, as they say, it is the beauty within that really matters. Or is that something with which we console ourselves as the years advance?

Probably, but personally I prefer to think of the “Girl from Ipanema” as ageing gracefully with style and class. If not, we’ll just have to console ourselves by admiring her granddaughters instead!

Today, January 8^th, is a big day for birthdays and a celebration for fans of rock n roll’s greatest and most influential icon, Elvis Presley. It’s hard to exaggerate how big Elvis was – and I’m not just talking about hamburgers and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches here! He was a music phenomenon and it is highly unlikely that modern music would be what it is now had he not lived. The Beatles were massively influenced by the early Elvis and John Lennon once said “Before Elvis there was nothing”.

Had he survived, Elvis would have been 81 today although there are plenty of people who believe he still does judging by sales of the “Elvis lives!” T shirts. Mind you, some folk still believe that the world is flat and the United Kingdom is a world power!

One of England’s most influential and talented music artists, David Bowie, who set many a music and fashion trend in the 1970’s and 1980’s and continues to do so, shares a birthday with the King as does the scientist and genius Professor Stephen Hawking.

Unfortunately, it all goes downhill from now on since today is also the birthday of Kim Jong-un, the chubby-chopped, bad-hair-day, megalomaniac leader of North Korea. Last week the self-styled “Glorious Leader” announced that North Korea was on a permanent war footing and a couple of days ago revealed (no doubt in furtherance of world peace) that his country had tested and exploded yet another nuclear bomb. Would it be uncharitable to hope that he chokes on his birthday cake?