Category Archives: Crazy World

More Technological Nonsense

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Funny isn’t it? Virtually every time I dial any telephone number beginning with 0800 or 0845 be it an insurance, utility or whatever company I seem to get the same response no matter what time of day I make the call.

“We are experiencing a much higher volume of calls than usual at this time ……..“. I am then informed that if I want to speak to somebody I will either have to wait and wait (whilst being entertained by some crappy 70s pop song by Boney M that sounds even worse 40 years later!) or alternatively I can ring back and repeat the process. Maybe I should try ringing out of normal working hours but if I do that the chances are – “Sorry, these offices are closed between the hours of 9am and 5pm. Please call back then”! Infuriating isn’t it?

Recently I sent an email enquiry to British Gas and received the response  –  “Due to unforeseen demand we are unable to respond at this time………….” But why?

Why is the demand unforeseen or the volume unusually high? In a country of 60 million people what do they expect? Such nonsense, why don’t the idiots just employ more staff to man the phones and computers. It can’t be that difficult to work out can it?

The people who run these organisations don’t have to have the gift of foresight or the ability to anticipate the unusual. All they require is bit of common sense and therein, I think, lies the problem.

 

The Perils of Paternity Leave

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Earlier this week the Government announced that from 2015 onwards fathers will be given a year’s leave to care for their new born babies. Very nice indeed for the fathers and their families but what about the businesses that employ those fathers?  I don’t mean large companies or corporations, with plenty of employees to go round, but smaller concerns such as family run businesses with a handful of employees each and every one of whom are vital to the success or failure of the operation.

 It’s all very well the Government issuing these people-pleasing edicts but what about those left to pick up the tab? Depending on which economist you listen to we are either still in or are just coming out of recession so isn’t it vital still that all hands remain firmly at the pump?

This, I’m afraid, is yet another example of government by liberal academics who have no experience of life in the real world and clearly no knowledge of how hard it is to run a business.

Allowing a key member of your company to take a year off because he has become a father may be a very nice humane gesture but it makes no business (or common) sense whatsoever.

Humility in Victory

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The events of this last sporting weekend got me thinking about the poem “If” written by Rudyard Kipling for his young son, an excellent poem that any responsible and loving parent would wish to impart upon his or her child. One of the key tenets in the poem is the need for “Triumph and Disaster”, which Kipling refers to as “the two impostors”, to be treated in exactly the same way. We will undoubtedly experience both at some stage and, as Kipling implies, the reaction of the boy to those impostors will ultimately define the man.

It has always struck me that this is sound advice for life generally and for competitive sport  particularly. Thus, a loser should behave with dignity and good grace (masking  a secret determination that it won’t happen the next time) and the winner should behave with humility and respect for his vanquished opponent, since it may well fall upon him to wear the loser’s mantle the next time around.

This is a lesson that every child – and many international so-called “sportsmen” – would do well to learn and remember.

Who would have thought it?

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A recent study in the USA, using state of the art eye-tracking technology, has revealed that men look at women’s bodies more than at their faces. Gosh, what a revelation that is!

The study, of over 70 men and women, revealed that women also look at other women’s bodies more than at their faces. It didn’t mention clothing but I’m pretty sure that that features pretty high up the list too!

Researchers concluded that “those bodies with larger breasts, narrower waists and bigger hips often prompted longer looks”. Quite incredible, I’m sure you’ll agree.

I have no idea how much money this study cost but couldn’t they have saved an awful lot of time and money by interviewing just about any normal man (or woman) virtually anywhere on the planet? I don’t think that their conclusions would have been any different, do you?

Only One Winner

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I overheard a conversation the other day, although diatribe would probably be a better description! A man was telling his friend, in a loud boastful voice (you know the type) that he was going to take so and so to the cleaners, he was going to sue him up and down the land and would make him regret that he ever crossed him in the first place.

I had no idea what the conversation was about and, of course, had no interest either. Why should I? I gave up listening to the problems of strangers when I ceased practicing the law a couple of years back. It did strike a chord however and I remember thinking that I hoped the guy had got plenty of money because he would certainly need it if he was going to carry out his threats successfully.

It reminded me of a print of a famous 17th century painting that used to hang on my office wall. It is a cartoon-type picture of a cow with a thin man at one end pulling on its nose with the word “Plaintiff” written next to him. At the tail end of the cow was another thin man pulling at the tail and the word “Defendant” was written next to him. Sat on a stool by the middle section of the cow was a very large man milking the beast for all he was worth. The word next to that man was “Lawyer”.

That sums it  up nicely and, as I used to say to my clients, don’t take anybody to law unless you have first exhausted all other options and, even then, only if you have a large bank balance. Going to litigation is like going to a casino. At the end of the day there is only one winner and it sure aint the punter!

Recruiting for the Extreme Right

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It was reported last week that a school in Blackburn has ordered its pupils to wear a hijab (a head dress covering the girls’ faces) both in and OUT of school. What makes this calculating and overt act of religious control even worse is the fact that the school, the Tauheedul Islam Girls’High School, is state-funded, funded by taxes collected from ordinary UK citizens like you and me.

When I saw the headline (in last week’s Sunday Times) I did a double take. Surely that couldn’t be true? Then I read the article and, yes, it is. What on Earth are we coming to. What is happening to a country that has, since the Middle Ages at least, prided itself on practising the essential freedoms and religious tolerance? Why would we allow this to happen?

The misguided liberals, of all major parties, who have governed us for the last twenty years or so would say that my reaction (a reaction shared by the majority, I’m sure) is that of a reactionary bigot. Well is it? Here’s what a well-respected Muslim has to say.

Haras Rafiq, the former expert adviser to the Government on the prevention of Islamic extremism, prepared a dossier in 2011 raising concerns about the Tauheedul  Charitable Trust which aims to set up more schools like the one in Blackburn. The Government ignored his concerns  and granted permission for the setting up of three such schools. No doubt, more will follow. Rafiq was quoted as saying “I think it threatens to create young British Muslims who are not able to integrate in the wider society, who are living in isolation and outside the wider community”. He’s right and, as one concerned parent of a pupil at the Blackburn school said “Religion belongs in the place of worship or the home and not the classroom”.

What do the Government say to that? Surely, even the most blinkered liberal can see that their policies will do nothing but foster more resentment among right-thinking folk (both Muslims and otherwise) and ultimately will lead to more racial tension. If the Government wanted to act as a recruiting sergeant for the extreme right they couldn’t be doing a better job. Such fools.

Service with a Smile

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A recent survey has revealed that most French people (or at least most of those interviewed) think that French waiters and bar staff are surly and rude, a view that many visitors to Parisian bars and restaurants will undoubtedly sympathize with. In fact, those questioned feel that their countrymen are so bad that even the British do a better job! Praise indeed although I’m sure we’ve all been to plenty of places in our own country and encountered the same problem.

I was in New York last week and saw an advertisement for a “Bar Tending School” where people who want to become bartenders have to take and pass a course before being set free to serve the public. This strikes me as being a very good idea and I think it shows how the bar tending and waiting-on occupations are valued, at least in New York.

Anybody who has travelled to the USA will agree that bartenders in that country are generally of a very high standard. Mind you, they have to be since they are paid peanuts and rely on tips to boost their income. In short, they have the incentive to carry out their jobs in a competent, friendly and efficient manner. That’s all that’s required actually, incentive, proper training and pride in a job which is regarded as a profession rather than a menial task to be endured until something better comes along.

I think we would do well to follow the American example. At least maybe then we could avoid the look of incomprehension on the faces of some bar staff when we have to ask for ice and lemon with our gin and tonics! This has happened to me on more than one occasion in the UK!

Bartending and waiting-on are without doubt important and significant occupations. If you’re unsure about that just think how easy it is for your expensive celebratory night out to be ruined by bad service and incompetent, surly staff.

The Price of a Smile

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I’m always surprised when I encounter miserable, if not downright rude, people in public service. I don’t mean politicians or civil servants – I would no more trust the smile of a politician than I would the smile of a crocodile! No, I am referring to people who serve the public in shops, bars and restaurants.

How many times have you walked into a pub or shop to be welcomed (hardly the right word, I know) by somebody with a glum poker face? Somebody who not only doesn’t greet you with a friendly smile and a pleasant hello but instead gives you a look verging on resentment. As though it is somehow demeaning and beneath them to serve you in the first place.

Thankfully, such people are in the minority but can they not learn from those with the wit and intelligence to realise that a smile not only relaxes the customer or potential customer but encourages him or her to make a purchase or do business and later, to repeat that business? Do they not realise that every customer has a choice?

Old sayings like “service with a smile” and “the customer is king” may appear glib and meaningless to some but they are true. The customer’s money pays the bills and so common sense would surely tell you at the very least to be polite and offer a pleasant greeting to those visiting your premises.

If you had the choice between visiting a bar or shop with happy smiling staff or one where the server has a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp where would you go?

A smile costs nothing but its value is priceless.

 

Nut Free?

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Allergies are not very pleasant at the best of times and the consequences of nut allergies (sometimes fatal) clearly rank high on the list of those to be avoided if at all possible.

Only a few years ago there was little public awareness of nut allergies but scientific research has revealed how common and dangerous they really are. As a result, suppliers of foodstuffs, no doubt scared witless by the threat of litigation, display clear warnings on virtually all of their products.

I bought a can of Tesco lemonade the other day and even that had an allergy warning, stating –

“Recipe: No nuts – Ingredients: Cannot guarantee nut free – Factory: No nuts.”

I must confess that I have never really associated lemonade with nuts, having assumed, somewhat naively I suppose, that it is derived solely from lemons, a touch of sweetener and a bit of gas thrown in to give it some fizz. Oh well, we live and learn!

What I find puzzling in this particular instance is that if the suppliers can state that the recipe is nut-free why can’t they guarantee the same for the ingredients? Surely they can control what goes in to their products?

Nuts? You can say that again!

Flying Cheap

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On April 26th I posted a blog (  https://johnenglandcommonsense.com/2013/04/26/a-new-way-to-fly/ ) relating to an unpleasant flying experience with easyJet earlier that month. The problem was a drunk and out of control hen party who for a four and a half hour period basically terrorised those passengers unfortunate enough to be sat near them. Instead of dealing with the problem the cabin crew made matters worse by continuing to serve them alcohol throughout the flight.

On April 12h, the day after the flight, I emailed  easyJet to tell them what had happened. They replied with an immediate automated acknowledgement and then, on May 8th, sent a more detailed email stating how sorry they were. They said that their staff are “highly trained”, passenger safety is their “primary concern”, they “take all feedback seriously” and various other predictable corporate sound-bites. They concluded by advising me that they had passed the details on to the cabin crew manager so that he could “investigate this incident internally”.

A further six weeks elapsed until, on June 17th, having heard nothing further, I sent another email enquiring when they expected to conclude their investigations. I am still awaiting a reply and of course, I’m not going to get one.  In truth I didn’t really expect anything positive to come from my initial email, I just wanted to get it off my chest.

So clearly, whatever easyJet may say to the contrary they do not “take all feedback seriously”.  Whilst I’m sure they do care about passenger safety (they’d be stupid not to in these litigation fuelled times!) their prime and overriding desire, obviously, is to fill their flights and make money.

I’d like to say that I’ll never fly with easyJet  again but of course I will, it’s a simple question of economics. Why bite off my nose to spite my face? If an airline is cheaper than its rivals and it gets us to our destination on time and in one piece it will never be short of customers irrespective of the quality of the flight or the passengers, a fact of which all airlines are only too aware. The moral of the story? You get what you pay for. If you don’t like it, go elsewhere. Otherwise, have a few beers before the flight, plug in your MP3, turn up the volume, settle down and just grin and bear it!