Category Archives: Crazy World

Laughing at Clowns

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There has been a lot of fuss and controversy over the recent (actually, make that all!) proclamations of Donald Trump who seems bent on filling the world’s television screens and newspaper front pages with his vitriol. If the old saying about any publicity being good publicity is true then he’s doing a great job.

This, of course, is just what he wants and whilst a lot of what he says is risible, racist comments, misogynistic views and the like, why do people rise to the bait? The same thing has happened over the new heavyweight boxing champion of the world, the improbably named Tyson Fury, the so-called King of the Gypsies, a title unlikely to conjure up visions of sensitivity and gentleness!

Among his verbal gems Fury has bitterly denounced homosexuality and stated that “a woman’s place is in the kitchen or on her back”. Sports stars have lined up to rebuke him (with one even threatening to pull out of an awards ceremony if Fury was there) and users of social media have signed condemnatory petitions in droves.

Why? Why give these clowns credibility by taking their comments seriously? Isn’t it better instead to deal with them the way a teacher deals with the naughty little boy seeking to draw attention to himself from the back of the class? Isn’t it better to just ignore them and deprive them of the attention they so desperately crave?

I think so. Better to patronise them and insult them with subtlety. “There, there sonny, what’s the matter? Come and sit down, have a nice cup of tea and tell us all about it”.

That would really annoy them. We mustn’t take them seriously and more importantly we mustn’t take ourselves so seriously either. One of the greatest attributes of the English (and most British, in fact) is our ability to laugh and take the p*** out of people who irritate us. It would be such a shame if we lost that ability.

Helicopter Parents

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During a recent trip to the USA, whilst watching a current affairs television programme, I encountered an expression I’d never heard before. The expression was “Helicopter Parents” and it refers to parents who “hover” over their children and control their lives. I soon learned that it isn’t a complimentary term.

According to a child psychologist, helicopter parents typically micro-manage all aspects of their children’s lives. They control their relationships with adults (for example teachers, sports and group leaders and neighbours) without allowing the child to express him or herself individually and personally.

Such parents refer to their child’s activities in the first person plural by saying things like “we are going for a football trial today”, “we are going to a swimming party” or “we are going to cub camp this summer”. They usually do their child’s homework and refer to it as “our homework”.

I must admit that I, for one, have never seen the sense of parents doing their offspring’s homework for them (as opposed to providing requested advice) since how will children learn if they aren’t allowed to think things through and learn from their own mistakes? Are the parents going to sit their exams for them? Are they going to accompany them to their first job interview? How on earth are children going to manage in the world when everything has been done for them and they are not required to think for themselves?

It was hard to disagree with the conclusion that parents living their own lives vicariously through their children are doing them no favours at all and in fact quite the opposite. Ultimately, the child (unless a member of the aristocracy or maintained by Daddy for  life) is going to sink or swim as a result of his own efforts, not those of his “Helicopter Parents”.

Growing Old Disgracefully!

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I recently watched a television programme about a renowned retirement community in mid-Florida called The Villages, I say renowned because it is something of a 21st century phenomenon which could well spread across the so-called civilised world.

The community is now more like a city with over 100,000 retirees aged anything between 50 and 100 years of age. It is completely self-contained and administered and is often referred to as Disneyworld for old folks. It could equally be regarded as a kind of benevolent prison with hints of Big Brother or that 1960s television programme “The Prisoner” (“I am not a number, I am a free man!”) such as piped music in public places and loudspeaker announcements to help you get through your day.

The community was recently scandalised when one over-exuberant 68 year old woman was arrested for drunk-driving. Worse was to follow when the same woman, clearly a lively soul, was arrested the following week for having sex in a public place with a toy-boy aged 49 years of age!

Investigative reporters have discovered that these incidents are not quite as isolated as you may think and the community, where women outnumber men by an estimated 10 to 1, has a record of drug-taking and sexually transmitted disease to rival even Miami!

The Villages are not for everybody but even so, there’s said to be a long membership waiting list!!

A Big World Out There

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I spend a fair amount of time in the USA and am very fond of the country and its people. However, like many travellers from across the world I do get a little frustrated by the apparent parochialism of some of the television stations and other media which sometimes give the impression that America IS the world

I appreciate that the US is a huge country – the UK could fit into it 38 times! – but it’s not the only country in the world and it’s not even the biggest. Its northern neighbour, Canada, for example is actually bigger but that’s by the by.

What prompted this missive is the lack of television coverage of the current Rugby Union World Cup, a true world event with participants from across the globe, unlike for example, Baseball’s “World Series” which comprises 31 American teams and 1 Canadian. It’s somewhat risible that the winners of that annual competition are referred to as “World Champions”!

I was in Tennessee for part of the Rugby World Cup which for the benefit of any Americans not in the know, is taking place, right now, in little old England and Wales, two quaint little places across the Atlantic Ocean – basically take a right at New York and keep going once you reach Ireland!

I spent ages scrolling through the 250 channels or whatever on my hotel TV set and narrowed my search down to approximately 12 sports channels the majority of which were showing College Football (amateur American Football played by students), replays of College Football, last year’s ice hockey and Sunday’s fishing competitions. Rugby? I may as well have been looking for The Martian Decathlon!

It’s even more maddening when all bar a couple of Americans I spoke to in Nashville (and they were rugby players themselves) were even aware that the USA has a team in the competition. The US team got as far as England as it happens, but that’s not saying much in fairness!

Anyway, the point is this, America is a wonderful country with an awful lot going for it and an awful lot going on but, US television broadcasters take note, there really is a great big world out there just waiting to be discovered by your viewers; honestly!

The Curse of the Body Builder

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I recently read that there is now a serious illness, occurring mainly in young men, known medically as muscle-dysmorphia or more colloquially as “bigorexia”. It is an obsession that can evidently compel young men to constantly seek to build up their muscles and (in their opinion) improve their body shape. Once they have reached the level they were initially aiming for  they then start all over again, never happy with what they have achieved and always wanting more. It drives many into depression leading in some cases to suicide.

The idea that we can “improve” ourselves by obsessively spending three or more hours a day lifting weights, taking vitamin-filled drinks and using steroids to look like the Incredible Hulk has always struck me as absurd. Youngsters always want role models and people to look up to but why try to look like a comic book figure?When I was a youngster I was quite happy with Steve McQueen, George Harrison and Tony Currie (a 1970’s footballer who played for…..oh never mind!) none of whom had arms or chests that looked like they could explode at any minute!

It’s all so sad, why can’t we human beings just be happy with who and what we are? Fair enough, we should all watch what we eat and we should take regular exercise to keep ourselves in trim. We can even highlight our good points by wearing make-up (well, women and a certain type of man can!) and by dressing in clothes that we think will flatter our form.

I don’t know the answer to the problem but clearly a considerable number of these young men are insecure or have low self-esteem for one reason or another. Perhaps we should ban so-called “beautiful people” from appearing in the media and feature instead more realistic-looking role models.  Get rid of the Beckhams, the Vin Diesels and the Stallones and in their place feature more normal looking people like Ben Stiller, Ed Sheeran or Rowan Atkinson. Well, maybe not, but you know what I mean!

Busy Time for Lawyers

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I recently read an article in the Sunday Times about there being a big increase in matrimonial breakdown following the summer holidays, a fact that every experienced divorce lawyer has known for years.

When you think about it, it is hardly surprising since there is so much expectation attached to holidays, particularly summer holidays and sometimes those expectations turn out to be unrealistic and unfulfilled. What should be a sun-kissed idyll often turns out instead to be a battlefield with fights over activities for the kids, arguments over finances, where to go, where to eat and so on.

However, the time that lawyers look forward to with most relish is Christmas, though this anticipated pleasure has nothing whatever to do with Christmas cheer and goodwill to all men; in fact, far from it. Divorce rates positively soar come early January with the inevitability and predictability of the New Year’s Sales. The post-holiday return to work sees the creation of a revolving door to the divorce lawyer’s office with filing cabinets full to bursting!

The reason why this happens is really quite simple. For most of the time, some couples just muddle through and go about their daily existence with no real dramas. However, joint time off work can often be a game changer. Suddenly, they are thrown together for two weeks at a time, often for 24 hours a day. It’s too much and all that spare time simply provides ample opportunity to analyse the relationship and conclude that, actually, we don’t really like one another!

It’s all very sad of course and particularly so that a marriage, initially based on love, so often ends up being picked apart in a court of law.

Still, look on the bright side, at least it’s keeping somebody in work!

Excess Alcohol Leads to Hangover Shock

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Some incredible news last week, following the publication of the results of two linked Dutch and Canadian investigations  into alcohol and hangovers.  In fact, I was so shaken that I had to sit down and drink a glass of whisky just to steady myself.

The co-ordinator of the two investigations, a Professor Joris Vester, examining the results and relying, no doubt, upon  years of study and experience, concluded that “the more you drink the more likely you are to get a hangover”. Like I said, incredible.

Incredible that it took the examination of thousands of participants, not to mention the cost of the investigations themselves, to reveal what any small town drinker could have told the learned professor for free!

The second conclusion, and in fairness, one that is perhaps not so obvious, is that, scientifically at least, there is no such thing as a hangover cure. So, all those sure-fire cures such as a pint of water before bedtime, a greasy breakfast or some hair of the dog are mere placebos at best. But I reckon that most drinkers could have told him that too.

It seems to me that the obvious scenario with alcohol is either not to drink it at all or to know your limit and stick to it. Recognise your “full” sign and either switch to water or go home to bed and avoid any necessity of finding the perfect cure for your hangover! Common sense really.

Tales of the NHS

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Two news stories concerning the NHS caught the eye last week.

The first was the proposal that ex-smokers should receive e-cigarettes on our National Health Service to help them overcome their cigarette addiction. In other words the already overburdened British taxpayer (that’s you and me) is being asked to subsidise people who voluntarily started smoking and now want to give it up.

This is wrong on a number of levels, not least the fact that a smoker having given up his 20 cigarettes a day (at a cost of £7 per day or £49 per week) is now well able to afford his own darned e-cigarettes!

The second was the suggestion that doctors should be punished for over- prescribing antibiotics  without giving due thought to the needs of the patient. I understand what the critics are getting at but it would be very hard to prove and also seems a little harsh on our overworked doctors. That said, I don’t doubt that there are some doctors who prescribe medicine to certain bothersome patients just to keep them quiet!

It reminds of the story about the doctor who rings his plumber in the middle of the night complaining that his toilet is flooding. The quick-thinking plumber tells the doctor to throw some aspirins down the toilet and then to give him a call in three days time if the symptoms haven’t cleared up!

What’s in a Name?

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Earlier this week a list of the top twenty UK baby names was released and, in spite of myself (being neither an expectant father nor knowing  any parents-to-be) I couldn’t resist the temptation to have a peek, if only to see if my apparently antiquated name is making a comeback. It isn’t, but the list still made interesting reading.

Top of the list for boys is Oliver followed by Jack and Harry. All good solid names with a nice British ring, although I was a little mystified by name number 11, Noah. I’ve never met a Noah nor even heard of one other than the famous captain of the Ark. Why would you call your son Noah, unless you are a student of the Old Testament or have an interest in boats or floods? Numbers 4 (Jacob) and 13 (Joshua) also seem to reflect an interest in the Bible and number 14 ( Muhammed) is indicative of the ever-changing face of modern Britain.

As for the girls, Amelia is top which surprised me a little since the only Amelia I can think of is the famous American pilot and adventurer, Amelia Earhart, who in 1932 became the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic and who later disappeared whilst attempting a round the world flight in 1937. Second and third are Olivia and Isla followed by Emily and Poppy, two fairly traditional and pretty British names. Number 19 is Chloe which brings back memories of a family cat but other than that the girl’s top twenty produces nothing too out of the ordinary.

Baby names, on the whole, seem to be a reflection of the times and seemingly consign many of us, far removed from the top 20, the Johns, Davids and Peters, the Elizabeths, Marys and  Annes to the scrap heap of pre-history.  We must try not to take it too personally!

Deadly Attacks

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Yesterday, the BBC online news service contained two reports that demonstrate just how far we English have declined.

First of all was the report of an emergency 999 telephone call made by a man claiming he had been chased by a malevolent badger – which for the information of any town dwellers reading this blog, is a cute, shy creature about the size of a small to medium dog that feeds predominantly on worms and slugs!

Secondly, I read a report of another emergency call made by someone claiming a seagull had tried to rip a sandwich from out of his hand!

To think we once ruled the greatest empire the world had ever seen.

That’s as maybe but presumably our brave soldiers never had to contend with a regiment of highly trained badgers!