Category Archives: Crazy World

Housing Abuse

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Reports of lottery winners and other wealthy people living in state-subsidised housing have at last encouraged the Government to pass legislation to prevent it from happening in the future. It is now proposed that all prospective tenants will be means tested so that if they earn more than £60,000 a year they will either have to leave their council-owned and housing association properties or pay the full market rent.

Whilst this is no more than common sense isn’t it crazy that  it was allowed to happen in the first place? Why should the taxpayer subsidise people who have the means to pay for their own accommodation? Particularly whilst others, with a genuine need of state assistance, remain on seemingly never-ending waiting lists.

Those found guilty of abusing the system can have no complaint if they are named and shamed by national newspapers. The Sunday Times, recently revealed that Bob Crow (proud communist and General Secretary of the National Union of Rail, Maritime and Transport Workers) lives in a subsidised home in North East London despite the fact that he earns £90,000 per annum (nearly four times the national average) and Frank Dobson, former Labour Health Secretary lives in a council flat despite his  MP’s annual salary of £66,000.

Sadly, we are now used to politicians of all parties fiddling expenses and screwing the system but it particularly grates when we are told of champagne socialists ripping us off whilst proclaiming equal rights for all. Perhaps they need to be reminded that the welfare state exists to help and assist those in genuine need of assistance – not to make fat cats fatter still. It’s fortunate, to say the least, that we still have a free press able and willing to expose such iniquities and bring these public figures to account.

 

Proscribing the C Word

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I don’t know if it’s some kind of a record, in fact it’s probably not, so sad have we in the UK become, but two days ago, on Wednesday, July 31st, I saw a notice in a local pub exhorting customers to book their Christmas Party and even Christmas Day lunch – while there are still places!
 
I may be overreacting, but I was so irritated by what I read that I had to move tables and turn my back to the offending advertisement! I was sorely tempted, Basil Fawlty-like, to tear the darn thing down and admonish the management for their crass stupidity but luckily (though only just!) I saw sense and let it go.
 
Why, oh why, must we wish our lives away? The summer holidays have barely begun, schools broke up less than a week ago and already we are being encouraged to think about the C word! It should be a criminal offence to even mention it before mid-November and if any political party made it their policy to make it so I reckon they’d gain a landslide victory in the next election!
 
For goodness sake, can’t they leave us alone? Summer’s here and we’re enjoying some of the best weather we’ve experienced in donkey’s years. Life is good and the last thing most normal people wish to think about, right now, is Christmas and the depths of bloody winter!

No Horses in McDonalds (July 22nd)

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Earlier this year newspapers were full of reports on the use of horse-meat in burgers and other consumer products in the UK. It was therefore quite reassuring to learn this weekend that McDonald’s restaurants categorically refuse to serve horses. Actually, I distorted that slightly since McDonald’s merely announced that they refuse to serve people on horseback. This followed an incident in Greater Manchester on Saturday when a woman rode her horse to her local McDonald’s drive-thru to order a meal – presumably for herself rather than the horse!

 The server refused her order and so the resourceful horsewoman dismounted and led the horse into the restaurant itself where she attempted to place her order at the counter. Yet again, she was refused service and whilst she argued with the server, the horse, perhaps unsurprisingly, raised the stakes (no pun intended!) by leaving a large deposit on the restaurant floor. The police were called and the woman was issued with a fixed penalty notice. 
 
There was no report on what happened to the poor, and no doubt, traumatized horse but, bearing in mind the burger scandal, any charge of defecating on a restaurant floor would surely be dealt with sympathetically by the courts!

Drive Through Weddings

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Still on the subject of the USA (see Friday’s blog) I recently heard about the “famous” Las Vegas drive thru’ weddings. Evidently the happy couple can choose their preferred financial package, climb in the car, say those magic words and, bingo, they are man and wife! Presumably they actually get out of the car at some point before or during the ceremony but I’m not too sure.

There are companies who specialise in this sort of thing and one of them offers packages starting as low as $89 (approx £60) depending on whether you use your own car, a private limousine or even “Elvis’s Pink Cadillac”! For the cheap deal you can drive your car through the “fabulous drive thru wedding chapel tunnel” with the added bonus of a “Long stem rose for the bride”! If you really want to push the boat out, the service will be conducted by an Elvis impersonator who will sing three wedding hymns! It almost makes you want to get married just for the fun of it! This is America at its most wacky and eccentric and, personally, I love it!
No doubt the more serious minded and religious among us will take a different view and obviously, if marriage is to be treated as a serious commitment (and what else can it be?) they are right. It is undoubtedly  frivolous and probably not quite the way that holy matrimony was first conceived but life is short and who’s to say that drive thru’ marriages are any less successful or enduring than their more conventional counterparts?

One point worth remembering, at least as far as English law is concerned; a marriage can be declared void on the grounds that one or both of the parties are insane at the time the ceremony took place. Participants in a Las Vegas “drive thru wedding chapel tunnel” marriage would probably meet that criteria perfectly!

Death Sentence

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I’m currently working in the USA, where it was reported yesterday that Texas had just carried out its 500th execution. There was no celebration to mark that particular milestone, from what I could see, but it certainly grabbed my attention and got me thinking.

The subject of the execution  was a youngish woman who had been convicted of murdering a neighbour some 16 years ago in 1997. I have no idea of the circumstances of the case but it seems that her guilt was confirmed after several appeals and reviews. They may well have got it right but they may not and that, for me at least, is the big caveat as far as the death penalty is concerned.

However, irrespective of whether or not you believe in the death penalty, does it not  seem somewhat cruel and barbaric to keep a person on death row for 16 years after they were convicted of the crime? Either carry out the execution straightaway or abolish the death penalty altogether. To keep somebody on death row, indefinitely in some cases, seems to me to be nothing short of inhumane.

Chinese Dating

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According to news reports earlier this week, there’s evidently something of a crisis in China at the moment. The problem is that Chinese youngsters are struggling to form relationships and have even forgotten how to ask somebody out on a date. In response, dating classes have been set up where youngsters attend, sometimes accompanied by their parents, in the hope of finding romance. I know, it’s pretty hard to believe. Boy meets girl and, summoning up a bit of nerve, asks her if she would like to accompany him to the cinema, concert, pub, football match. Anything would do, it’s just a case of using your imagination.

Try as many lines as you can with as many girls as you can, nine may turn you down but the tenth time could be lucky and you’ve pulled! Well, that’s how I remember it anyway.  Who knows nowadays though? Things have changed so much and the art of conversation seems to be dying, so obsessed are kids with texting, playing with their smart-phones, laptops, ipods, ipads, x-boxes and goodness knows what else. Frankly, they haven’t got the time to bother with practicing and developing their social skills, hence the rise of internet dating, I suppose.
In China, I suspect it’s something rather different. Seventy years of stifling Communist rule and propaganda, the universal wearing of brown overalls, classroom worship of the Party and the showing of obeisance to some chubby little bald-headed bloke with a red star on his smock have undoubtedly had a detrimental effect on the normal development of Chinese children.
I wonder though, can it really be as bad as all that. Have the Chinese somehow lost the ability to love? Have they lost the natural and normal attraction that exists and has always existed between the sexes? Well, according to the last world census, there are now over one billion Chinese world-wide so the little blighters must be doing something right!

Another Rip-0ff

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I sold my car recently and naturally rang up my insurers, Performance Direct, to request that the insurance cover be ended forthwith. In response they kindly informed me that they were not going to request any further money from me for cancellation. What? I thought, of course you’re not! I’m cancelling the policy and you are required to do nothing further since you are no longer at risk! I don’t expect to make a payment to my local supermarket simply because I decide I no longer wish to buy my fruit and vegetables from them. However, it doesn’t work like that, does it?

No, these days, where stifling bureaucracy and incompetence reign and common sense takes a back seat, it’s not a simple case of putting a line through the policy or noting that it is cancelled. It has to be far more elaborate than that. They told me that there is a standard £50 cancellation fee – just for making a note that cover is no longer required!  Surely just one word written on the policy would do –“Cancelled”!
When they sent me written confirmation they indicated that there was a refund due of £64 but of that, £50 was a cancellation fee and the remaining £14, referred to as “insurance return premium” was retained as “clawback commission”. I could have kicked up a fuss but I have no doubt that the small print covers it perfectly in their favour. Besides, why waste energy banging my head against a brick wall.
I sold my motorbike recently too and the response of the nationally based brokers, Bennetts, was similar. I was made to feel grateful that instead of receiving a refund of £40, or whatever it would be, I should be grateful that I’m not going to be charged – for cancelling my own policy! It really does take the breath away!
Of course, I can understand their reluctance to make refunds, in the same way that I can understand why insurance premiums are on the rise year after year. Honest folk are simply paying the price for the culture of cheating and dishonesty where, each year, hundreds of thousands of policy holders make false or inflated claims against their policies. I understand it but it still leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.

Junk Mail

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Isn’t it incredible, the amount of junk mail we receive these days? Even with a fairly high filter level my computer inbox still needs to be cleared on a daily basis and as for unsolicited letters, well, I don’t think that our large corporations and organisations have really taken on board worldwide concern over the decimation of the Amazon rain forest.
BT write to me on a regular basis,  both by letter and email, inviting me to sign up for a broadband contract which is very nice of them, except for the fact that I actually signed up nearly 2 years ago, in June 2011! After continuing to receive further weekly invitations to sign up I sent off an email saying that I was already with them but, of course, it had no effect.
 I suppose I should now telephone BT and put them straight but why should I? It would be ok if I could speak to a human being but communication these days is preceded by a journey through a minefield of questions and pressing of buttons as we attempt to negotiate an automated answer service. I appreciate that this isn’t the right attitude but like all of us, I have better things to do.
I also heard from British Gas this week, again by letter and email, asking me to book my annual boiler service and again, it’s good to know that they too have me in their thoughts. However, unless somebody has, without telling me, reduced the length of a year from twelve to four months I don’t think my annual service is actually due until next January!
I ignored their first two requests but when the third arrived I thought I would play them at their own game. So, I dutifully entered my full name and special code into my website account to book a service and guess what happened? I received a message straight back informing me that my service was not yet due!
I’m sure we all have similar tales to tell, not just about BT and British Gas, but about a whole host of modern companies and organisations who boast and advertise constantly about how efficient they are. What can we do about it, I wonder? Probably nothing, is the sad answer.

Old Fool

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Whilst in Florida last month I picked up a newspaper and read a report on a homicide in a nearby town called Brandon. Apparently, a man woke up in the middle of the night and, feeling  thirsty, went downstairs to get a drink of water. On his way to the kitchen he heard some noises coming from the lounge and decided to investigate. As he looked through the lounge door he saw his wife having sex with another man. He immediately turned around, walked back upstairs, grabbed his gun, returned to the lounge and coolly shot the other man five times, killing him outright. He  then rang emergency services saying he had caught his wife and another man “fornicating” and had shot the man dead.

The killer is a 71 year old retired lawyer with no previous convictions of any type, his 41 year old wife is his ex-next door neighbour and the dead man was apparently her regular lover, a 32 year old ex-jailbird and small time criminal, whose address, appropriately enough, was Lovers’ Lane!  The lawyer was said by friends to be a usually well-balanced and easy going guy, though his record of 5 times married perhaps shows him to be a man of questionable judgement and something of a slow learner! He married his wife only two weeks after she had been arrested for firing a gun at her lover – yes, you’ve got it, the same one as above!
It’s a sad story but, other than the shooting, is all too common. What on Earth was the old guy thinking of when he married a woman, not only 30 years younger than him but one who was clearly likely to be a lot of trouble? Why would any older man think that a woman that much younger than him would find him attractive in the first place? Maybe he was a good looking guy in tip top condition. Maybe, he was, but he was still 71 and a healthy woman in her early 40s is surely likely to be more attracted to a well turned out guy nearer her own age than a well turned out guy in his early 70s.
I don’t know all the facts of the case but I suspect that the husband, as a retired lawyer, was fairly wealthy and  a decent catch for the younger woman. When will men learn? Although in fairness, it sometimes happens to older women too. Before marrying somebody much younger than themselves wouldn’t it be wise to ask the question – “If I was broke and living in a rented flat would she still love me and want to marry me?”  If the honest answer is “No”, which I suspect it would be 99 times out of a 100, then he should steer clear.
The saddest part of this story (apart from the death of the opportunistic lover) is that a man with a previously clean record and in the final stages of his life is now in all likelihood going to spend the rest of that life behind bars. What a shame, but, as the saying goes, there’s no fool like an old fool!

A New Way to Fly

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Like many people, I’m tired of having to endure the ever worsening standards of passenger behaviour on British short-haul holiday flights. A couple of weeks ago I flew out to Tenerife with easyJet although, in fairness, it could have been virtually any holiday airline flight. The problem concerned a group of about 10 noisy women, aged, I would guess, from 25 to 55 years who, as they boarded the plane and walked down the aisle towards me, caused me to think, please don’t sit near me. Unfortunately, they did.
Most of them appeared to have been drinking and throughout the whole four and a half hour flight they kept up a loud and incessant racket, like over-excited infants on a school trip. They constantly leaned over their seats, shouted loudly to their friends in different parts of the plane, bumped into other passengers as they walked along the aisle and on a number of occasions swore loudly and made vulgar comments. They sang noisily at the tops of their voices and drank constantly. On separate occasions, two gentlemen nearby asked them to keep the noise down and for their trouble received a torrent of verbal abuse which continued for the rest of the flight.
In short, they were out of control and, as I mentioned to one of the cabin crew, their loutish behaviour was so bad that if carried out on the high street would undoubtedly have led to their arrests or at the very least, a police caution. Sadly, this kind of behaviour is all too common in modern Britain and whilst I would not wish to be a killjoy nor a hypocrite (having over the years enjoyed the odd drop myself!) I do feel that there have to be limits. Why should normal, decent, civilised people have their lives made a misery by drunken louts?
I’ve given this matter some thought and suggest that, rather than try Canute-like to stem the seemingly inevitable tide of bad behaviour, airlines should actually cater specifically for people who choose to fly in a state of intoxication and behave in a way that is unacceptable to most of us. I think they should create special booze flights where drinking is not only accepted but positively encouraged. All the hen and stag parties and other miscellaneous drunks could fly together on specific booze flights leaving the rest of us to travel in peace on normal standard flights. The booze flights could operate on a self-service, all-inclusive, eat and drink till you throw up basis for an additional figure of, say £50 per head, so that the airlines can still make a profit.
They could do away with cabin crew, lock the pilots behind extra strength, sound-proofed  security doors and just leave the passengers to it. Each booze plane would be specially fitted with plastic fire resistant walls and seats so that smoking could be allowed. In fact, why not do away with seats completely since most of these plebs seem unable to keep still during flights and none of them pay attention to the safety demonstration. How about adding a disco to help create that special party atmosphere?
At the end of each flight the plane could be hosed down in readiness for the next lot – a bit like the drunk-proof, plastic-floored black cabs used in our city centres. They could even have their own websites so that there would be no possibility of booking the wrong flights. How about offyourface.com, plebsontour.co.uk or flydrunk.com for example? The permutations are endless!

Clearly, all these suggestions are made somewhat tongue in cheek but I’m registering the domain names just in case!