Author Archives: johnengland55

Visit Australia

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Australians are renowned for their relaxed attitude and lack of reverence and the enquiry section of a national tourism website seems to sum this up perfectly. Here is a sample of questions and answers taken from the website –

Q. Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
A. Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q. I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the rail-road tracks?
A. Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q. Can I bring cutlery into Australia?
A. Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q. Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum.
A. Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q. I have a question about a famous Australian animal, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees.
A. It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

The next three questions refer to a district of Sydney called King’s Cross, politely known as the city’s red light district –

Q. Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
A. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which doesn’t… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q. Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule?
A. Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is … oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q. I was in Australia in 1969 and I want to contact a girl I dated whilst staying in King’s Cross. Can you help?
A. Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

You really couldn’t make this up! Priceless!

Meaning of Christmas?

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The campaign group, Christmas Starts with Christ, recently announced the results of a survey which revealed that a third of British children aged between 10 and 13 do not know that Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus. It also revealed that among the adult population one half feel that the birth of Jesus is irrelevant to their festive celebrations. How sad.

To many, Christmas is therefore simply a time of excess, excess food, excess alcohol and excess spending. Still, as long as that is combined with an excess of happiness, peace and goodwill then I suppose nobody can complain too much.

Well, not until the credit card bills start to arrive in the New Year! Merry Christmas!

Misguided and Dangerous

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Two horrible acts of terrorism took place this week, firstly the killing of two innocent hostages in an Australian cafe and secondly, the slaughter of 132 children in their Pakistan classrooms. All were victims of Muslim extremism.

Sadly, as has been clearly demonstrated in recent years, there is nothing the West can usefully do about the atrocities committed by the Taliban in their own countries. They are beyond our control and the only hope is that the oppressed citizens of Pakistan, Afghanistan and other countries ruled by Muslim fanatics will somehow rise up and overthrow their tyrannical rulers.

We can, however, do something about the threat within our own countries. The Sydney terrorist was evidently known to Australian police and was in fact on bail when the hostage-taking and subsequent murders took place.

I have no idea why he was allowed out on bail but I do know that in the UK certain criminals from ethnic minorities remain at large because our police are too frightened to arrest them and the courts are reluctant to apply due process of law for fear of accusations of racial or religious prejudice. Such misguided policies are a recipe for disaster as the killing of the soldier, Lee Rigby, on a London street last year clearly demonstrated.

The task of the police and judiciary in any democracy is to act fairly and impartially irrespective of colour, nationality or religious belief. To act in accordance with the rules of political correctness rather than common sense is both dangerous and foolish in the extreme.

Lazy British?

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Barely a day goes by without newspapers complaining about foreigners taking British jobs and British companies hiring labour from abroad. A recent report told of building firms employing Polish and Romanian bricklayers because of a shortage of British talent. Another told of high street caterers having to ship in sandwiches from Hungary because they couldn’t find British workers prepared to perform the work.

This is all rather mystifying when, at the same time, we are told that unemployment levels remain high throughout the country and millions of Britons are living on state benefits. Common sense surely dictates that a marrying together of available work with willing workers results in a solution to the problem. Of course, the key word is “willing”.

The problem was neatly encapsulated for me a couple of weeks ago in Manchester city centre, although it could have been virtually any British city or town. As I walked down the busy street I noticed two foreign speaking black women busily setting up a makeshift market stall of cardboard boxes from which to sell scarves, hats and gloves. Next to them was an apparently able bodied young white British man sat on the ground playing with his mobile phone, his two dogs sat by his feet. In front of him was a begging bowl. Enough said.

Artificial Intelligence Takeover

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Last week the eminent scientist Sir Stephen Hawkings reiterated his view that there is a real danger that, one day, artificial intelligence, namely computers, will completely control human beings. This has often been a fertile ground for science fiction novelists and film makers alike but the fact that somebody as well respected as Hawkings takes this view is something of a wake up call.

Of course, if we look around us, evidence of computer domination is there for all to see. The vast majority of people in the so-called civilised world use computers on a daily basis whether it be online shopping, surfing the internet, corresponding with friends, real or virtual, on social media or just playing with their smartphones as they walk down the street.

One of the biggest downsides of the universal use of computers however is their use in and their effect on the workplace. Over the last twenty years or so there has been a revolution in the way we work as significant and profound as anything that occurred during the industrial revolution over 200 years ago. Put simply, we are now undoubtedly dependent upon computers, whether we like it or not.

As computers and machines become more and more sophisticated they are able to substitute for human beings by performing tasks quicker, more efficiently and, most importantly as far as business is concerned, cheaper than human beings are able to do. The result is increased unemployment and large sections of society unable to provide for themselves with all that that entails, both economically and psychologically. That is surely the most pressing concern.

A Fool and His Money

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It was reported last week that an estranged couple, fighting over the sum of £500,000, spent nearly three times that amount, namely the princely sum of £1.3 million, in legal costs.

Not surprisingly, the judge presiding over the case referred to their behaviour as “truly absurd” which is one way of describing their mind-blowingly crass stupidity. When will people learn that on nine occasions out of ten the only beneficiaries from aggressive litigation are the lawyers?

Truly, a fool and his money are soon parted and this story brought to mind a favourite rhyme by the late American poet, Richard Armour – “That money talks I’ll not deny. I heard it once, it said ‘Goodbye’!”

Still, the lawyers, saying “Hello” to that money, must have been laughing all the way to the bank. Followed, no doubt, by a visit to the travel agents to book their luxury Christmas holiday in the Maldives!

Cricket Tragedy

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Nobody can fail to have been shocked and saddened last week by the tragic death of Australian cricketer Phil Hughes who, in a freak accident, lost his life when, during the course of a match, a cricket ball missed his safety helmet and struck him on the head. There will undoubtedly continue to be calls for increased safety measures in cricket and for a ball, bowled at the batsman, commonly referred to as a “bouncer”, to be banned. This is highly unlikely since statistics show that this was a one in a million accident. Fair enough, but what if you happen to be that one in a million?

Put very simply (and cricket is far from being a simple game) the job of the batsman is to score runs and the job of the bowler is to prevent him from so doing usually by bowling his ball on to the wicket, thus removing him from the game. The battle (isn’t it funny how sport is always described in terms of warfare?)between bowler and batsman is at the heart of cricket and their duel (see above)is pivotal to the result of the game. The bowler will use every bit of his power, skill, aggression and guile to beat the batsman and either strike his wicket or force him to make an unwise shot leading to a catch and dismissal.

It is fascinating to watch the bowler’s attempts to deceive the batsman with the ball bowled to the left or to the right, bowled short, bowled long, bowled slow, bowled with spin or bowled fast at speeds around 100mph. Sometimes the bowler will not attempt to hit the wicket at all but will instead bowl deliberately hard and fast at the batsman, not with the intention of inflicting bodily harm (so you would hope) but with the aim of unsettling and intimidating the batsman. It was such a ball that struck Phil Hughes.

There can be no blame attributed to the poor bowler since he was only doing what bowlers in all teams do throughout the cricket world. However, putting aside questions of morality, perhaps a simple question needs to be asked – Is it really necessary to bowl a cricket ball, not at the wicket, but deliberately at the batsman?

Black Friday

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Last Friday we enjoyed, not the right word I know considering the undignified scrapping and punch-ups at stores up and down the country, a relatively new phenomenon (at least for us in the UK) called “Black Friday”.

It is, of course, an American phenomenon which occurs the day following Thanksgiving when, after a surfeit of turkey, Budweiser and Football (the NFL variety), our American cousins pile into the stores to grab bargains at knock-down prices.

We already have a similar shopping frenzy on Boxing Day when shoppers, for some inexplicable reason still not sated by the pre-Christmas spending splurge, think nothing of leaving their cosy warm beds to camp outside stores on a usually cold, wet, wintry night to await opening time and a dogfight for bargains.

Why we would want to copy the Americans and do the same thing the day after Thanksgiving, a day that I imagine most of the shoppers shown on our television screens on Friday night could barely spell, let alone celebrate, is beyond me.

Still, it allowed the rest of the world to see just how far our multicultural society has advanced.

The Beginning

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Well, it’s started. Yesterday the Government announced the first major transfer of powers from Westminster to Scotland in keeping with the promises made to the separatists prior to the September referendum on Scottish independence.

To most of us, this devolution of powers, including control over income tax, seems pretty momentous and almost revolutionary but, predictably, the Scottish Nationalists Party don’t feel they have gone far enough and want more. They will continue to want more until they achieve their aim of full independence and the break-up of the United Kingdom. The clue lies in their name.

That’s fair enough and as this blog stated back in September the eventual break-up of the UK, at least in its current form, seems inevitable. If a majority of the Scottish people want to go it alone so they should.

The pro-independence lobby is not yet in the majority however and our Government must continue to bear in mind that the Scots are no better than the rest of us and whatever rights and privileges are given to them must be given equally to the people of England, Wales and Northern Ireland.

Invasion of Privacy

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Apparently Sir Cliff Richard is considering taking legal action against the BBC for the invasion of privacy suffered when the Corporation dispatched a helicopter and a small army of reporters to broadcast live a police raid on his South Yorkshire home in August this year.

The raid was part of the investigation into allegations of sexual abuse made against virtually every public celebrity in the country. Of course, a substantial number of those investigations were justified and none more so than that into the behaviour of the late Jimmy Saville. The problem is that the Saville scandal has resulted in a witch hunt with many allegations proving groundless and shown to be no more than an attempt by certain people to get rich quick on the back of spurious compensation claims.

It looks as though the investigation into Sir Cliff Richard falls into that category. If no police charges follow and it is proven that the BBC liaised with South Yorkshire police to get an exclusive on the raid then I hope Cliff Richard does take legal action.

For our once widely respected national broadcaster to behave in this way is unforgivable. This is not responsible reporting, this is victimisation and sensationalism and it only adds fuel to the arguments of those who wish to do away with the near £150 television licence fee that we pay each year for the benefit of the BBC.

If the BBC wishes to conduct its affairs in such a grubby manner it is not worthy of our money. Maybe it should be forced to compete in the open market place with all the other television stations. If this means the showing of commercials on the BBC, so be it.