Author Archives: johnengland55

Setting the Record Straight

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No decent, right thinking person could fail to have been incensed last week when apologists for the brutal beheadings by IS extremist and British citizen, Mohammed Emwazi, sought to blame MI5 for his actions.

According to political activist, Asim Quereshi, the cold blooded murders of aid workers and journalists were carried out not by a sadistic psychopath but by “an extremely gentle” and “kind” man. The fault, he said, lay not with Emwazi but with MI5, who had been tracking him for a number of years and in so doing had “radicalised” him.

The reaction of our Government was predictably lame so it was heartening to hear the response of London Mayor, Boris Johnson to Mr Quereshi in a radio phone-in. Boris Johnson, clearly in touch with the majority of the country, said –

“The focus of your indignation and your outrage should be on people who go out to join groups that throw gays off cliffs; that behead people who do not subscribe to their version of Islam, that glorify in the execution of innocent journalists and aid workers.”

By setting the record straight, Johnson clearly demonstrated that he is a man both with cajones and the courage to speak his mind; rare traits in a politician.

Our Choice.

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There was uproar in certain parts of the media last week when it was revealed that insurance comparison websites are directing customers towards insurance policies that generate greater commission for the websites. The practice was condemned as deceitful and unethical, but why?

The whole point of using an agent is surely to save us, the customers, both time and money and if those objectives are achieved then why begrudge the agent his slice of the action?

Insurance brokers, financial advisers and the like can make a small fortune from the sale of pension, life insurance and other policies. No doubt some are less than honest and will invariably seek to put the earning of commission above service to the customer, but that short sighted practice is unlikely to see them survive in business for very long.

Common sense tells us that the best defence against exploitation is to shop around and speak to as many agents as we feel necessary. The final choice is ours and ultimately, as long as the customer receives what he wants and needs does it really matter what the agent or intermediary earns from the deal?

A True Role Model

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I switched on the television news yesterday morning and caught the last part of an interview with a young army captain who had just been awarded the Military Cross for bravery in Afghanistan. The man was quite clearly a hero (the Military Cross is one of the country’s highest awards for gallantry) but, when lauded by the interviewer, the soldier modestly refused to be accepted as such.

Instead of describing the act of courage which led to the award he spoke instead of his pride in being part of a team of men all of whom, he inferred, would unthinkingly support their comrades in a similar manner, whatever the price. He spoke of loyalty, of duty, of honour and responsibility. Old-fashioned words and values, you may feel.

It was both humbling and heartening to listen to such a man. It was refreshing too, to be reminded that, in an age of largely negative news stories and constant disappointment in public figures, whether self-serving politicians or cheating multi-millionaire footballers, there are still some real heroes out there and true role models for our children.

The Post

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I have noticed, over the last couple of years or so, that the Post Office seem to be employing  far more female postmen than they used to. In fact, more often than not, my post is delivered by women and a very good job they do too. (And why not?- women are more than capable of doing a man’s job-don’t be so patronising-why should men get all the best work? etc. Ed).

The problem is, I’m a little confused as to how to correctly  refer to our female postal workers.  Clearly, it would be sexist and politically incorrect to refer to a female deliverer of the post as a postman. So what do I call her?  I’m so confused that I’d even consider seeking guidance from the PC Police on this point.

After further thought it becomes obvious, think of Chairman and Chair! Postman and Post! She is clearly a Post. There, that settles it.

If she does well at her job (and why wouldn’t she? – men have no monopoly on excellence etc . Ed.) she could well advance to become head of an executive  committee within the Post Office. In which case she would presumably be referred to as the Chair of the Post or maybe even the Chair Post! How silly we are.

Election Battleground

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As campaigning gathers pace ahead of May’s  General Election it is becoming increasingly clear that one of the most important battlegrounds will be the National Health Service. The major political parties seek to assure us that the NHS is safe in their hands and that if voted into power funding will be increased.

That is well and good but the vital question is how exactly is the money to be spent since in recent years we have grown used to seemingly endless tales of bungling and incompetence within the NHS.

Politicians need to convince the taxpayer that his or her hard-earned cash is not simply going to disappear down a black hole of bureaucracy but will instead be used to promote efficiency, increase medical staffing and thus improve the patients’ experience.

The NHS is something that we should all be proud of and most of us, I’m sure, cannot speak highly enough of the care and professionalism of our excellent though overworked doctors and nurses. The trouble is, they are hampered by incompetent leadership, a shortage of staff and in some cases by out-dated equipment. They deserve better and so do we, the public.

Love from Rover

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You may have noticed that there are no more heart-shaped balloons in shop windows anymore, that the fluffy pink teddy bears and cute little doe-eyed toy puppies proclaiming “I woof you”  (must be Chinese) have all disappeared, and the card shops on the high street have all undergone an overnight makeover. Yes, that celebration of kitsch ,vulgarity and blatant capitalism, formerly known as the Feast of St Valentine  has left us  for another year.

How times have changed. Like Mothering Sunday (Mother’s Day to the masses), St Valentine’s Day has changed beyond recognition and has become yet another day of rampant commercialism when many people thoughtlessly buy cards and gifts because they feel they have to.

Everybody gets involved now and what was once a simple celebration of love and romance has become something else entirely. I’m neither a curmudgeon nor a grumpy old man – yet, but I had to shake my head whilst choosing a card for my own true love. The trouble was, I wanted something simple and nothing too elaborate or vomit-inducing.

I found one eventually, stuck there among Valentine’s cards from children to parents, from parents and grand parents to children and believe it or not (you will, of course) cards from the family cat or dog. Poor old St Valentine, even his Roman executioners treated him with more respect than that!

Caught in a Trap

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Evidently, London’s Fire Services are bracing themselves for a dramatic rise in call outs from people unable to release themselves or their partners from handcuffs and other restraints following today’s UK release of the “mummy-porn” film “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

According to a fire service spokesman (person, sorry!) they regularly have call outs from all sorts of adventurers who come a cropper, so to speak. There is concern at the higher levels of the fire service that the  release of the film is only likely to make matters considerably worse.

Asked to provide examples, the spokesperson revealed that in the past couple of years fire crews have attended 28 incidents involving people trapped in handcuffs, removed 293 rings including 7 from male genitalia and released men’s genitals from vacuum cleaners or toasters

Now, I’d like to think that I’ve got a fairly broad mind and am reasonably enlightened so that  I can just about understand the warped rationale behind messing around with a vacuum cleaner (though presumably not a Dyson!). However, on the basis that the action is voluntary, I cannot, for the life of me, comprehend the thrill or pleasure in inserting one’s genitalia into a toaster. Or is that just me?

Screening the Undesirables

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I was quite relieved when my US Visa was recently renewed for another ten years. Not because I thought there was any reason why the US authorities would refuse my application but simply because I had managed to negotiate my way through the minefield of bureaucracy.

Such applications have to be carefully vetted, particularly in these dangerous days, and officials need to be both thorough and meticulous to ensure that no undesirable aliens gain entry to their country. Bureaucrats the world over have a tendency to be rather serious and cheerless, in my experience, and so it was a pleasant surprise to be treated with politeness, courtesy and not a little humour when I visited the US embassy in London for my interview.

Mind you, to get to the interview stage applicants have to first complete an exhaustive online application and answer a huge and diverse array of questions some of which are predictable and others not so.

Among the questions were the following, which I quote verbatim –

“Are you coming to the US to engage in prostitution……………………………………….…?”

“Do you seek to engage in espionage, sabotage…….…or any other illegal activity in the US?”

“Do you seek to engage in terrorist activities while in the US……………………………..?”

“Have you ever ordered, incited, committed, assisted or otherwise participated in genocide?”

What an ingenious deterrent! Just think of the thousands of undesirables whose plans to enter the USA have been thwarted by those cunning questions!

Fortunately I was able to answer them all in the negative and so the good people of America can rest easy in their beds at night, safe in the knowledge that this alien, at least, is going to cause them no trouble at all!

Blind to the Truth

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Whilst trawling through the BBC News website yesterday I saw a headline stating that 45 men had been arrested for their part in the sexual grooming of children, some as young as 13 years old. The report made no mention of the identity of the men but when I checked the website of a regional newspaper there was the confirmation; 20 Asians arrested in Newcastle and 25 Asians arrested in Halifax. These, of course, follow hard on the heels of similar systematic crimes by Asian gangs in towns and cities such as Oldham, Derby and Rotherham to name but three.

Later, that evening I watched the BBC North West regional news which reported that anti-Semitism is on the rise in the North West, with attacks on Jews in some areas having increased two fold over the last year or so. Again, there was no mention of the identity of the attackers but when some of the victims spoke on camera they talked of car loads of Asians flying Palestinian flags terrorising Jewish districts.

The anti-Semitism is actually Muslim anti-Semitism but, of course, as with the grooming gangs, the left-wing dominated BBC wouldn’t dare speak that particular truth; too inconvenient and too politically incorrect.

Our national broadcaster needs to be reminded that a journalist should always report what he or she sees. To act in any other way is a cowardly act of betrayal, not least to the victims of these sickening crimes.  It is not and never can be racist to speak and report the truth. A criminal remains a criminal whatever his religion or skin colour and the sooner our journalists and politicians recognise that fact the better for all of us.

War on Illiteracy

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Recent news headlines have highlighted the Government proposals for a “war on illiteracy and numeracy” and an attack by the  Prime Minister “on school mediocrity”. Well, we do have an election in three months’ time so it’s hardly surprising that education (or lack of it) is to be one of the political battle grounds.

What caught my attention was the plan for every 11 year old to be able to pass a test on the 12 times table and to be able to write a short coherent story. I don’t want to hark back to “my day”, and I hope my memory doesn’t deceive me here, but I’m pretty sure that nearly every 7 or 8 year old in my rather ordinary state primary school class would have been able to do those things without too much difficulty.

Have standards really fallen that much in the last 50 years?  Certainly, when I look at some of the everyday examples of misspelling, punctuation and grammar displayed by adults I am not so sure. Here are some common errors.

First of all, the invention of the verb “of” as in stating or writing “I would of” instead of the correct “I would have” or “I would’ve”. Maybe my English studies were in some way deficient but I honestly cannot remember that particular verb!

Secondly, the confusion over the words “there”, “their” and “they’re” such as “I went to there house” or “Their will be lots of people at the party”. Is there any wonder that so many children are illiterate if this is the sort of example they receive from their parents’ generation?

Lastly, the use of “your” instead of “you are” or “you’re”. I remember once sitting on a Florida beach (thankfully, poor grammar is not a British monopoly!) when a light aircraft flew over the sun-kissed sands trailing a banner which read “Chelsea Your Amazing”.

I cringed and thought how sad that some guy (could have been a girl, of course) had paid all that money only for his message of love to be completely screwed up. Then I thought, rather cynically, the guy is probably so rich that the object of his affection is unlikely to be bothered by his illiteracy, assuming of course, that the lovely Chelsea was aware of it in the first place!

I doubt she would of made a fuss though and I imagine that there happily married by now!