To encourage a positive vote in the forthcoming referendum the European Commission recently announced that English will be the official language of the European Union. The UK Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year plan to gradually convert to “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will please the sivil servants. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the awkward “ph” will be replaced with “f”. Fotograf is far more logikal than photograph.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. The EU will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.  Also, the silent “e” in the languag is troublesom and will also be removed. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords   kontaining “ou” and after zis ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu unterstand ech uzer.

Ze drem of a united europ vil finaly be relized und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vanted us to do in ze furst plas. Zank ze Lord und Angela Merkel!

(NB. Furst sen on ze internet about 5 yers ago. Amended und adapted fur zis blog)