Evidently, London’s Fire Services are bracing themselves for a dramatic rise in call outs from people unable to release themselves or their partners from handcuffs and other restraints following today’s UK release of the “mummy-porn” film “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

According to a fire service spokesman (person, sorry!) they regularly have call outs from all sorts of adventurers who come a cropper, so to speak. There is concern at the higher levels of the fire service that the  release of the film is only likely to make matters considerably worse.

Asked to provide examples, the spokesperson revealed that in the past couple of years fire crews have attended 28 incidents involving people trapped in handcuffs, removed 293 rings including 7 from male genitalia and released men’s genitals from vacuum cleaners or toasters

Now, I’d like to think that I’ve got a fairly broad mind and am reasonably enlightened so that  I can just about understand the warped rationale behind messing around with a vacuum cleaner (though presumably not a Dyson!). However, on the basis that the action is voluntary, I cannot, for the life of me, comprehend the thrill or pleasure in inserting one’s genitalia into a toaster. Or is that just me?