Last week I crossed the border from Canada to the USA via the Niagara Falls Rainbow Bridge, so-called because, when the sun shines, you can see rainbows in the spray from the Falls. We were about fifth in a line of coaches, the passengers of which were naturally subjected to the usual routine border/passport control inspections. No problem there, we all want to travel safely in these high risk terrorist-threatened days and a little inconvenience is a small price to pay for that safety.

Every now and again, a coach is singled out for the full treatment whereby the driver’s papers and log are minutely examined and his coach subjected to various inspections by fully fledged mechanics. Occasionally, if the mood takes them, the border guards can insist upon all the luggage being taken out – actually they can insist on whatever the hell they want, nobody in their right mind is going to argue with 16 stone of armed muscle! – and in some cases the bags opened for further inspection.

Of course, the nature of such random checks means that we mere mortals have no idea what is required of us nor whether we will be the unlucky ones selected for the full works. Well, the coach in front of ours was one such coach and I, along with my increasingly nervous tour group, watched as the border guard and mechanic went about their business whilst fifty odd Japanese passengers sat for over an hour in their hot, stuffy and by now non-air-conditioned bus. I don’t know why they were selected, maybe the border guard’s grandfather had been bombed at Pearl Harbour! Who knows?

Eventually, the by-now sweaty passengers were  led off their coach and into the customs area and, after another thirty minutes or so of having their individual papers examined they were allowed to go. We were next to face the stern-faced inspection although in our case it was of the more routine variety. As tour group leader, I collected the $6 per person entry fees (I wonder if the Japanese paid more!) and handed them over to the supervising guard who actually cracked a smile at my limp attempts at witty conversation. Perhaps he was just humouring me.

Anyway, other than sharing this fascinating aspect of touring life, I wanted to point out what a good idea I think it is to extort (sorry, require!) payment of a fee from foreigners for the privilege of visiting your country. This is on top of the usual visa fee and only applies, for some reason, where you enter the USA by land.

We must get millions and millions of visitors to the UK each year by air, sea and tunnel. Why don’t we charge them all, say £5 each? What a great boost to the economy. Perhaps the extra revenue might even encourage our Government to go easier on its own citizens. Now I’m being silly!