How many times have you been asked “Have you got everything in for Christmas”?  Like what, I always wonder? It happens a lot though doesn’t it? Also, what is it about Christmas that causes normally rational folk to behave like sharks in a feeding frenzy? All over the country, at this very moment, there are people rushing up and down the supermarket aisles chucking stuff into their trolleys as though their lives depended upon it.

Little old ladies, as if possessed by demons, are kicking and pushing their way to the front of the queues barging past anybody unfortunate enough to be standing in their way. “Just stocking up for Christmas” they say, as they pile their loaves of bread, turkey breasts, gammon joints and bumper packs of mince pies on to the counter.

I wonder, do they know something I don’t? Are the shops going to be closed for the next three weeks? Maybe arctic blizzards will descend on Christmas Eve and paralyse the nation until the beginning of February? Ah yes, that must be it!